


Phantom Troupe Drabbles

by kpark



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Gen, M/M, just a couple of dudes being guys. guys being dudes. dudes being g, kalluto the spider baby, not explicitly shippy, phantom troupe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-20 06:05:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11914755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kpark/pseuds/kpark
Summary: I've been having a lot of ideas for short ficlets regarding the troupe so everything around 300 words to 1k words is going to have its home here. Archive warnings may change as I add more.





	1. A Treasure That You Can't Steal

**Author's Note:**

> A bit of a character study on Phinks and Feitan's relationship. I'm still trying to get the hang of characterizing them.  
> They/them pronouns are used for Feitan.

“Give me pork.” 

Phinks, sitting on the floor next to them with a box full of take-out noodles, obliges. He picks up a piece of pork with his chopsticks and hangs it in front of Feitan, who takes it in their mouth.

Sitting on the couch across from them, staring in disbelief, is Nobunaga.

“How is it that you two are the most hot blooded bastards in the whole Troupe yet you…” Nobunaga gestures vaguely at the duo, who look back indifferently.

“It’s just pork. It’s not like I’m emotionally attached to it.” Phinks states as if he just heard the dumbest question in the world.

“Yeah, I know it’s just pork but, like… Just an hour ago you threw a baseball bat at them for taking your ‘lucky cigarette’.” Nobunaga quirks his fingers in the air for quotes as he says the last two words.

“Woah woah woah. The cigarette’s a completely different deal. I specifically make it so you--” Phinks is cut off by Feitan, who speaks around a bite of noodles. Phinks realizes that he’s no longer holding his box of food.

“Do not let him talk about his stupid luck charms. He will talk forever and it never will make more sense than the beginning.”

“I’ll take your word on that one,” Nobunaga says, and Phinks looks at Feitan with an expression of betrayal. “Then what’s your take on this? You mangle bodies for a hobby, what’s with the out-of-character domesticity?”

“You make it more complicated than it is.”

“Well what is it, then?”

“It is what it is.”

Nobunaga throws his hands in the air in exasperated surrender.

“It is give and take,” Feitan continues. “He is more easygoing than others here, also. For us it is simple to work together.”

Nobunaga almost points out that feeding each other is a bit different than working together, but that’s not the statement that catches his attention most. “Phinks? _Easygoing?_ ” Nobunaga is starting to question Feitan’s lucidity.

“Less arguing when I try to do things.”

“I think you just mean he has as little impulse control as you do, and won’t bother stopping you when you feel like killing everyone who looks at you the wrong way.”

Feitan considers this, and shrugs. “I do not care. When I am with Phinks we both get what we want.”

“I dunno, I kinda wanted to actually eat my food.” Phinks is gazing forlornly at his noodles, now half-eaten in Feitan’s lap.

Feitan drops the stolen chopsticks back into the box and raises their hands, allowing Phinks to take back the meal. 

Machi, who has been quietly embroidering a circle of cloth near the window, speaks up. “I think you’re mostly right, Nobunaga. They get along well because they’re similar, in this case.” 

Nobunaga huffs a “hmph”, satisfied enough with that answer. 

“I think so too,” Shizuku adds, looking up from her magazine. She’s seated on the windowsill, and from her vantage, she scans Phinks and Feitan thoughtfully. “They’re good for each other because they can destroy as much as they want, and they can satisfy all their impulses. They trust each other to do what they want, and that lets them be like this. I can’t imagine Feitan would ever be this comfortable with someone any less rough than Phinks, and that Phinks would ever fit this well with anyone less vicious than Feitan.”

Together Machi, Nobunaga, and Shizuku pensively look at the duo.

“Something like, two minuses make a plus.” Nobunaga notes. Shizuku and Machi both hum and nod.

“Alright, is philosophy class over now? You caught me, I don’t like stuffy partners.” Phinks has finished off the remainder of the food and without anything actively distracting him, the intent gazes of his peers are beginning to grate his nerves.

Feitan agrees with Phinks. While they couldn’t care less if people were staring at them, they don’t appreciate the attempt at emotional analyzation. Feitan is used to picking other people apart, not the other way around.

Phinks stands up and stretches, arching his back. He puts his hands in his pocket and adopts a look of confusion, realizing the pockets are empty, then disappointment, realizing why. 

“Hey--”

Phinks doesn’t finish his thought before a new pack of cigarettes comes flying at his face, courtesy of Feitan. Phinks barely moves to catch it before it hits his cheek, stuttering out a low “oh” of surprise.

“You are welcome.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

Phinks tosses the pack up, spinning it in the air, before catching it again, and heads to walk outside. When he’s halfway out the door he looks back expectantly at Feitan and cocks his head, silently asking, _“Comin’ or not?”_

Feitan feels the stares of the other spiders, heavy not necessarily with judgement but observational interest. Judgement or not, Feitan can’t truly bring themselves to care as long as the others don’t make annoying comments. As Feitan said earlier, it is what it is, the thing between them and Phinks. Like a game of ping-pong, a game of give-and-take that moves back and forth like clockwork; they’re two players that know each other's rhythms as closely as they know their own and can rally the ball indefinitely. Feitan doesn’t have the useless pride that keeps people like Uvogin and Nobunaga from admitting that they work better with others. While they’re perfectly capable of functioning individually, Feitan and Phinks both know that when they rely on each other, their power in all respects increases. Whether it’s killing, stealing, thinking, eating, or smoking, they don’t mind doing it together, and it’s better together, so they will. 

Feitan stands and brushes a bit of dust off their backside, then walks towards the door. Phinks exits, pushing the door a bit so it stays open long enough for Feitan to slip out behind him.

The door closes with a click, and an interesting atmosphere is left in the room with the duo’s absence. 

“They’re lucky they found each other,” Shizuku is the one to break the silence. “It’s not often that you find someone just as horrible as you are.”

The words out of context might sound cruel, but the way Shizuku says them, everyone knows it’s not an insult or even a playful jab. With the lives that they lead, even simple camaraderie can be difficult to come by, but an honest and enjoyable relationship is even more rare. The bonds that Phinks and Feitan share are a treasure that you can’t steal.


	2. Grandpa Phinks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kalluto suffers from a Freudian slip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They/them pronouns used for Kalluto.

“Stop it, grandpa!!”

As soon as the words come out of their mouth, they clamp it shut so hard their teeth click painfully, and both of their hands fly to press tightly over their mouth.

However, that doesn’t mean the words are taken back, and everyone in the room stares at Kalluto in suspended shock. Phinks, especially, is frozen like a statue, his mouth hanging open and his eyes looking like they could pop out of his head at any moment.

Feitan and Nobunaga are the first to break the silence, cackling obnoxiously. Machi and Franklin follow suit, completely unable to suppress their laughter.

“You--Do you really--Am I really that old to you?!” Phinks’ voice is loud and full of a medley of emotions, mainly horror and disbelief. “I’m not even thirty yet!”

“N-no!! I didn’t mean it like that, I--!” Kalluto scrambles for words, trying to recover both their personal embarrassment and Phinks’ emotional pain. “It’s just, my grandpa acts like that sometimes, and I, I think I unintentionally associate that behavior with him!”

Both Kalluto and Phinks are stuttering messes, and Phinks is holding his head in his hands.

“I’m sorry, I truly am! It was entirely an accident!” 

Phinks groans, and Feitan has finally regained enough breath from their sudden attack of laughter to make a remark. “It is all of your ugly wrinkles, Phinks. You are young but look very old.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up! At least I don’t still get ID’d at bars!!” Phinks spits back, and the smile on Feitan’s face is replaced with a disgruntled scowl. This only makes Nobunaga laugh harder, and he starts to slide off the box he’s sitting on.

“Ugh…” Phinks hangs his head and Kalluto wishes they could crawl into the ground and stay there forever.

###### 

The next day, Kalluto approaches Phinks with a bouquet of origami flowers, because they can’t think of any other gift to give. They come stand directly before Phinks, who’s lounging on a beat-up sofa flipping lazily through a magazine, and hold out the bouquet before lowering their head in a bow.

“I’m sorry for my inappropriate comment yesterday. I recognize my mistake and it will not be repeated.” Growing up the youngest child in a large and strict family, they have had the lesson of the necessity of respect nailed into their head countless times. Kalluto has also learned in the past few weeks that they also stand in that same position in the troupe, being the youngest and most inexperienced member. Kalluto feared that such an act of disrespect could serve to harm their already weak position. “I hope that you can forgive my offense.”

“What the hell…?” Phinks is dumbfounded, staring at Kalluto with a furrowed brow. Kalluto raises their head slightly to look nervously at Phinks, and seeing their intensely solemn face, Phinks breaks out in laughter. “Kallu, it’s not like I was seriously mad. Jesus, kid.”

Kalluto hesitantly stands relaxes their stance, still awkwardly holding the bouquet. 

“Sit down, c’mon.” Phinks scoots from his seat in the middle of the couch, freeing up space at his side for Kalluto to sit. Not about to reject a request from Phinks, they obey and sit next to him, eyes hesitantly scanning his face to parse his emotions. He really doesn’t look mad, not exactly, more just confused.

“You don’t have to apologize so formally like that. Here every leg of the spider stands on equal ground.”

The way Phinks says it, it seems endowed with a deeper meaning. That deeper meaning isn’t something that Kalluto understands yet, but they recognize that it’s important, so they commit it to memory. “Alright,” they respond, giving a small nod.

“Although, I would appreciate if you didn’t call me grandpa again in the future.”

Kalluto’s face burns up, and they avert their eyes from Phinks. “I understand.”

Phinks sighs and chuckles a bit, lacing his fingers behind his head. “If you wanna call me somethin’, you can call me uncle. That I don’t mind.”

This catches Kalluto off guard, and their eyes immediately jump back to Phinks. He’s looking down at them with a half-raised brow. Kalluto can see that he’s not joking. “Uncle…?” 

Phinks smiles with one corner of his mouth. “Yeah, sure.”


	3. How to Validate A Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uncle Phinks is back and supportive as hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by this tumblr post: https://adhdbreadbin.tumblr.com/post/163849461235/how-to-validate-a-childs-work-without-swearing
> 
> I really like the relationship Phinks has with Kalluto.

“Li’l dude that’s fuckin’ sick.”

After months of working together, Kalluto had finally expressed to Phinks that they were willing to demonstrate their hatsu to him, _”...that is, if you want to see it.”_ Phinks was a bit surprised at first, having already accepted that Kalluto desired privacy, and he had been respectful of that wish. He’d also been surprised that it was _him_ that Kalluto had chosen to trust, and to be honest, he was a little bit honored. Regardless of his slight confusion, Phinks had agreed, and Kalluto took Phinks aside to a secluded part of the city where they currently were staying.

Now, Phinks sits cross-legged on the ground, watching with wide eyes as Kalluto waves their hand fan with graceful sweeping movements, and triangles of paper spin and soar through the air in an intricately choreographed dance. Phinks was never the one for articulating his thoughts with much tact, but even despite that, he couldn’t stop the words of praise from falling out his mouth. It seems that Kalluto didn’t particularly mind his bluntness either, as their movements momentarily falter, and a faint blush appears on their cheeks. 

“Thank you.” They say the words with a humble and steady tone, but Phinks can easily see the glitter of happiness in their eyes. 

They continue with the display, now with slightly larger and more dramatic movements, as if Phinks’ compliment had inspired them. The paper pieces spread and coalesce in regular intervals, and Phinks is reminded of something.

“It’s like a flock of birds, when they all get together and fly in those complicated patterns.” 

“You really think so?” Kalluto peers at Phinks in between the paper shards flying in front of their face. “I do take inspiration from nature.”

“Well it shows, Kallu. This is pretty damn neat.”

The dance comes to a close when Kalluto folds their paper fan shut, and the airborne confetti settles to the ground in a neat pile at their feet.

“I can also use my confetti for surveillance. If I attach a piece to someone I will always know where they are and what they are doing. I’ve done it to you before.”

“Uh-” Phinks gets a look of faint concern and looks up and down himself, searching for a scrap of paper. 

“No, no, not right now, it was in Meteor City. It’s gone now.”

“Oh. Yeah. ‘Course.”

Kalluto laughs quietly, covering their mouth with the sleeve of their kimono, and Phinks just clicks his tongue.

“Anyway, you sure you wanna be telling me all this? It doesn’t compromise your plan or something?”

“My plan?” Kalluto’s eyes widen in surprise. Had they been found out?

Phinks chuckles. “I’m not _that_ stupid. We all know you’re not sticking around with us just for kicks.”

“I…”

“What’re you gonna do if I tell all the others now? Don’t tell me you didn’t think of that?” 

Of course Kalluto had thought of that, but they trusted Phinks. They genuinely wanted to show Phinks, and thought that it would foster a stronger bond between them. Had they been wrong? “Please don’t.”

Phinks exhales slowly, thinking hard, then leans forward, putting his elbows on his knees and looking straight into Kalluto’s eyes. “Fine, I won’t. But you gotta do something for me in return.”

“Okay.” They respond without a second’s delay. Anxiety bubbles in their chest.

Phinks points to the pile of confetti with a finger, makes a twirling motion with his hand. “I wanna see it again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I debated whether to have Phinks tell Kalluto to show them again at the end, or to have Phinks ask Kalluto to show Feitan. If Phinks asked to show Feitan, this is what the last paragraph would have been:  
> Phinks points to the pile of confetti with a finger. “Can we at least show Feitan? They don’t seem like the artistic type but they actually dig pretty shit like this. They’re better with nen than I am too so they might even be able to give pointers or something, even though they’re not a manipulator like you.”  
> I also considered having Phinks ask Kalluto to teach them some origami, but that was just a split-second idea. I think Phinks would be too rough and always tear the origami paper while folding it; I feel like Feitan might be good at it though.
> 
> I want to write something with Feitan being a sort of mentor to Kalluto, but I'm not sure what. Feitan and Kalluto remind me of each other.


	4. For the Money

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shalnark and Uvogin implement the first step of any casino heist; the distraction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This would have been longer, but I realized, casino heists are very complicated. 
> 
> Warning in case it's upsetting to someone, Shalnark and Uvogin are essentially acting out a highly toxic relationship. My intention was to put a spin on the "I want your money, not your love" line and write Shal and Uvo as actors-in-crime, not to demonstrate an actual relationship. They love each other.

_Ready?_  
Delivered: 6:52pm

Shalnark sends the message then scrolls absentmindedly through his phone, looking at nothing in particular. Openly having his cell phone on the table during dinner at a high-class casino restaurant is incredibly rude, and Shalnark is perfectly aware of this-- it’s all part of the act.

Across from him, Uvogin looks so out of character that Shalnark has been suppressing giggles all night; dressed up in a perfectly pressed suit, sitting properly, and drinking something other than beer with his meal. In between bites of steak, Uvogin’s eyes drift over Shalnark repeatedly flick up to Shalnark’s face as if searching for something. This is both part of the act and not.

In the slots room closest to the restaurant, Phinks reads his new message, then nudges the man next to him with his elbow.

“Fei, ready?”

One affirmative hum later and Phinks is tapping out a response.

 _Go_  
Delivered 6:53pm

Shalnark’s lips twitch up into a barely perceptible smile. Uvogin’s eyes catch the movement, and the games begin.

“Do you want to leave?” Uvogin’s voice comes out in a pseudo-stage whisper -- quiet enough that someone overhearing would think it was meant only for Shalnark’s ears, but loud enough that people can certainly overhear -- and with a tone of frustrated impatience.

“Huh?” Shalnark replies in turn with a voice of obviously faux-innocence laced with latent disinterest, not bothering to raise his eyes from the phone screen.

Uvogin growls and the grip on his fork tightens. He inhales deeply and sets the utensil down a bit too hard. The table rattles.

“I’m doing this for you, you know. All of this. This is time out of my day, and money out of my pocket. A decent amount of money too, something you should’ve noticed just looking at the menu. Or were you occupied by something else then too?” Uvogin’s volume has slowly increased, and a few patrons at tables nearby are sneaking glances. 

“It’s not my fault that your taste in venues is what it is.”

“Is it? Maybe if you’d just talk to me every now and then we could figure that out?”

"It’s not my fault that you’re so difficult to talk to, either.”

“ _Me?_ Difficult to talk to?” Uvogin laughs incredulously. “What a joke. I put myself out there for you. I give you my feelings, and what do I get in return?”

“Well, I didn’t ask for your feelings! Maybe I don’t want them!”

“Yeah, that’s clear as day! What do you want, then?! Enlighten me!”

“Fine! I want your money, not your love!”

The conversation escalates to a scene when Uvogin rises out of his chair and stands at his full, massive height, and the entire restaurant is made his captive audience as his giant hand reaches across the table for the collar of Shalnark’s shirt. A woman gasps, and a man near the windows grips the edge of his table with a tautly set jaw; Phinks recognizes the expression. It’s the face someone gets when they’re caught in between a heroic impulse and honest, classic, fear.

The sound of dishes hitting the floor and shattering mixes with Shalnark’s cries, and the melody of cacophony has security guards running like moths to a light.

Phinks huffs a laugh then turns away. As good as his friends’ acting is, he’s seen this performance a dozen times. Now, he focuses his attention on his part in the play, behind the scenes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't decide what Phinks and Feitan were exactly going to do. Maybe the way to the vault is behind the restaurant area, and they were moving the guards out of the way to get there. They could take care of anyone who tries to stop them, and open the opportunity for Chrollo to sneak in and grab all that glorious cash.


	5. Monetary Value is in the Eye of the Beholder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyday bickering with the trouble trio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by my hatred of Phinks’ shoes. 
> 
> I figure he's a pretty fashion-oriented guy, since he wears Gucci. It's a shame he couldn't get decent footwear.

“Have you ever considered stealing from some place other than Hot Topic?” Phinks sneers as he folds up another one of Feitan’s skull-emblazoned robes from the laundry pile in front of him.

“I do not listen to people who wear ugly Skechers.”

“ _Skechers_?” Phinks reels and throws the robe back on the couch. “My shoes are designer, you bitch. Take that back.”

“Take your pants back, to where you got them.” 

“Fuck you! My wardrobe is worth more than your head!”

Feitan raises a finger and says matter-of-factly, “Not true.”

“Is fuckin’ too true! You’re w--”

Phinks is cut off by Shalnark clearing his voice and smiling at him from over his laptop screen. “Fei’s right actually. Our bounties were updated last week.”

Shalnark now has Phinks’ full attention. “No shit? Show me.” Phinks walks over to stand in front of Shalnark, who’s sitting on a beat-up recliner next to the couch. Feitan follows, sidling up to the armrest and looking over Shalnark’s shoulder.

Shalnark’s fingers fly across the keyboard and he clicks the trackpad twice, before nodding Phinks over. Phinks moves closer and his hand reaches out to tilt the laptop screen towards him, but Shalnark slaps his hand and glares at him sharply. “Look with your eyes.” Phinks scoffs and rolls his eyes, but pulls his hand back as Shalnark points at a number on the screen right below a poor, blurry picture of Feitan.

“No fucking way.”

“Yup. Same number on four different sites. This is our little friend’s value nowadays.”

“This is 17.45% increase.” Feitan smirks at Phinks with haughty satisfaction.

“Did all of ours increase that much?” Phinks asks. 

“Well, not-- Hey!” Shalnark begins to answer, but notices that Phinks’ hand has darted out again to try to scroll down the page. This time Shalnark slaps him even harder. 

“Ow! Why are you so possessive of these damn machines? Just show me mine!”

“Fine, if you insist.” Shalnark scrolls twice, to the bottom of the web page, and Phinks sees the number underneath a picture of himself.

“Wha--...” Phinks mouth drops open, and Feitan cackles. “It _decreased_?!”

Shalnark is laughing now too, and Phinks’ face heats up. “You know what, fuck _all_ of you!!” Phinks storms away to resume folding clothes, now with a much fouler attitude. “I’m the only one with taste out of all of us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for constantly making Phinks the victim, but it’s so funny to tease him.


	7. I'll Write A Title When I Think Of One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phinks doesn't take kindly to rude passersby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suuuper cheesy. Self-indulgent too. There's a disproportionate amount of content that portrays Phinks as homophobic, despite there being nothing in canon to suggest that. I don't think he would tolerate that.

“Why the fuck is your son wearing a dress?!” The unprompted shout echoes down the street where Machi, Phinks, and Kalluto are currently walking.

Kalluto jumps in fright but continues to walk with Machi, who doesn’t even blink. Phinks, though, to the yeller’s misfortune, stops immediately then turns slowly, meeting his eyes.

“What was that? I couldn’t quite hear ya.”

“I said…” The stranger begins to respond, but his voice falters with Phinks’ burning gaze on him.

“Well, what I _thought_ I heard you say was ‘why’s your son wearing a dress’, but that’s such a stupid question, that can’t possibly be right.” Phinks continues in a conversational tone as he casually approaches them. “I mean, first of all, it’s damn kimono, not a dress. And second, the kid’s not my son.” 

“I-if she’s a girl you should’ve just said so,” the stranger laughs awkwardly.

“That’s not right either. And I wasn’t fucking finished, you absolute brainless piece of shit.”

His laughter stops in his throat as Phinks stops in front of them and puts a heavy hand on his shoulder. 

“The kid’s not mine, but I’ll protect ‘em like they are.” 

Phinks leans down so his nose is just centimeters away from the stranger’s, and whispers. “So are you feelin’ strong today? Are you? Because I can show you what strong feels like.”

Phinks’ grip on his shoulder tightens immensely in a split second and a sickening _crunch_ is heard as something breaks. The stranger wails in pain and grabs Phinks’ wrist, struggling futilely to wrench his hand off.

“Answer the question.”

“No! N-no! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean i--”

“No, you meant it. I’m not the smartest guy out there but I’m not a complete jackass like you.”

“Please. I-it won’t happen again.”

“Good! That’s the right answer. And it’ll serve you well.” Phinks grins, baring sharp teeth. “Because I’m not always in this good of a mood, and next time I’ll kill you before you even finish the sentence.”

Phinks releases him with a shove, sending him flying to the ground with a thud. He sobs in pain and holds his shoulder, and Phinks turns on his heel, returning to Kalluto and Machi wordlessly.

Once they’ve turned off onto a different street, Machi gives Phinks a sidelong glance. “What was up with that?”

“He pissed me off.”

“You could’ve just killed him, but you put on a show. That’s not like you.” Machi could care less what strangers Phinks kills, as long as it doesn’t compromise the mission or get blood on her clothes, but she’s just curious.

Phinks huffs a laugh. “Felt like scaring the shit out of him. You can’t scare a corpse.”

Machi raises an eyebrow, scans him skeptically. “Feitan’s bad habits are rubbing off on you.” 

Phinks shrugs. He doesn’t question why he feels the way he does or where he gets his habits. Phinks liked the look on that asshole’s face when he realized he’d fucked up.

Kalluto, in between the two, feels strangely good, more safe than someone ever should feel with criminals at their side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phinks is the gay uncle.

**Author's Note:**

> I draw too! Check out my HxH art at http://padkai.tumblr.com/tagged/my%20hxh%20art


End file.
